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So, anyway. I got somewhat emotional when I attended the session. Perhaps, a bit too emotional.
This is true, I was holding back tears. A bucket loads of them T_T
I guess, I've always imagined myself to be doing what they were doing. Dancing, performing. On stage, on ice. Doing it everyday till I get too old to do it anymore. To be honest, I've never thought I had it in me to be able to perform in front of a super huge crowd. But I guess I should've seen it coming; seeing how I was in the choral speaking, boria, and nasyid, all from standard three onwards. All that before I turned eleven. And when I did, my mom decided to sign me up for ice skating lessons. It was the best day of my life! And I was apparently, a natural.
Performing on ice, smacked in the middle of a shopping mall - it was an experience I will never trade for anything in the world. No, not even for a giant-sized chocolate. Or a lifetime of jellybeans. Nope. Nothing.
I love
This, is also true.
I too felt that when I had to stop ice skating (due to finances). A part of me was missing. I was suddenly too free. I didn't have to wake up so early on a Sunday mornings just so I could get my ass on ice by 7.30am and leave the ice when the crowd starts coming in at 10.00am. And I didn't wake up on a schooling day with my ass feeling like it was whacked with a metal rod anymore, from falling on ice, practising jumps the night before.
Gosh I miss ice skating :(
I need to go find that part of me again. But I don't know where to start. Or how to, even. Or if I could.
Things are so uncertain for me right now, I'm so careful not to screw anything up.
I think this is one of your most amazing blogposts, ever. Not just because I'm in it, but because you're admitting and recognising who you really are deep down inside, and what you need.
ReplyDeletePerforming has always been a source of confidence, even for me. Even debating is a performance for me. I somehow lost that thick-skinned-ness when we stopped acting for Lit Nites and left high school.. I sort of melted into the backdrop in college and didn't do anything impressive.
Thank you for helping me realise how important performing is to me. You have always been an impressive dancer and cheerleader, and I think you really should start looking at more ways to go back into that field, because you rock at it.
Much love.